st time I had seen a dentist was when I retired from the Navy in 1992. Yeah, 17 years. But like I said they hadn't caused me any problems. A few weeks ago, I lost several fillings and a crown fell off; all in the same area. It caused me occasional discomfort that I took care of with some Advil. This past weekend, I started feeling real pain. My face was all swollen on the left side. I found a walk-in dentist and went to see him first thing Monday morning.Dr. Agony looked like he was in his 20's. His nurse, Sally the Sadist, looked about 70. They sat me down in the dentist chair and took X-rays. Dr. Agony informed me that I had a dental problem which could become life threatening if left untreated. Well, I couldn't have that. To die from 
a toothache would surely upset the balance of the universe. I didn't want to cause a disturbance in the force. It is my Karma to die from stomach problems. The dentist said I had three teeth that needed to come out. I already knew that. But they couldn't do anything until the swelling was reduced. He gave me a prescription for a really strong antibiotic and a painkiller. I made an appointment for Wednesday morning. I had nightmares Monday and Tuesday night and the medication gave me diarrhea but I was there bright and early this morning.
a toothache would surely upset the balance of the universe. I didn't want to cause a disturbance in the force. It is my Karma to die from stomach problems. The dentist said I had three teeth that needed to come out. I already knew that. But they couldn't do anything until the swelling was reduced. He gave me a prescription for a really strong antibiotic and a painkiller. I made an appointment for Wednesday morning. I had nightmares Monday and Tuesday night and the medication gave me diarrhea but I was there bright and early this morning.Dr. Agony looked at my face and concluded that the swelling had subsided enough for him to do his thing. I asked if he was sure. I could come back in a week or two. Nope, today was the day. I have had teeth pulled before, but never three at once. I did know from experience that I needed a lot of Novocaine. He gave me one shot and said: "Well, we'll let that numb up for a few minutes. I thought: "You have got to be kidding." In a few minutes he 
came back and asked if it was numb enough. (How the hell do I know what numb enough is?). He tapped on one of the teeth and I almost ripped the arm off his chair. "I guess you need some more", he said. (Yeah, about another quart, if you don't mind.) So he gave me 2 more shots. I started feeling number. Maybe that would be enough. He grabbed hold of one tooth and started to twist and pull. He said: "Let me know if you feel any pain." So I did. I bucked up out of the chair flinging Dr. Agony against the wall. In the same move I came around with my elbow and caught Sally 
the sadist on the chin. I headed for the door, which of course was locked. "Alright, we'll give you some more Novocaine." Sally coaxed me back into the chair. Dr. Agony gave me shots that went far up into my face, numbing everything, my left eye, my nose, even my ear. He climbed up on my chest. The nurse held a strap over my forehead. I couldn't feel anything. In a few minutes he was done. They stuck some gauze in my mouth, gave me some written instructions and escorted me out to the front desk.
came back and asked if it was numb enough. (How the hell do I know what numb enough is?). He tapped on one of the teeth and I almost ripped the arm off his chair. "I guess you need some more", he said. (Yeah, about another quart, if you don't mind.) So he gave me 2 more shots. I started feeling number. Maybe that would be enough. He grabbed hold of one tooth and started to twist and pull. He said: "Let me know if you feel any pain." So I did. I bucked up out of the chair flinging Dr. Agony against the wall. In the same move I came around with my elbow and caught Sally 
the sadist on the chin. I headed for the door, which of course was locked. "Alright, we'll give you some more Novocaine." Sally coaxed me back into the chair. Dr. Agony gave me shots that went far up into my face, numbing everything, my left eye, my nose, even my ear. He climbed up on my chest. The nurse held a strap over my forehead. I couldn't feel anything. In a few minutes he was done. They stuck some gauze in my mouth, gave me some written instructions and escorted me out to the front desk.At the desk, the receptionist told me it would be $500 for the extractions. (They would bill me separately for the property damage.) She asked if I wanted to schedule an appointment for an examination and complete X-rays. At this point I really had no intention of ever coming back but I just said I would schedule one after I had healed up a bit. I drove h
ome drooling all over myself. I kept feeling my head to make sure it was still there; it was so numb. Finally home and I can't stop the bleeding from the gaping hole in my upper jaw. I used up all the gauze they had given me and started on a roll of toilet paper. After an hour I finally got the bleeding reduced to an ooze instead of a spurt. Then wifey hit me in the face with a sledge hammer, knocking me to the floor. NO, wait, she's in the bedroom. OW! OW! OW! OW! Throbbing pain, building in intensity all over the left side of my face as the Novocaine wore off. God, I'm dying. My left leg is twitching involuntarily. I gulped down a painkiller. I should have taken one before, now I got to wait for it to work. 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes...........finally the pain is fading to tolerable levels. Whooooweeee. What a rush! "Hey, hon, come in here........and bring the hammer."
ome drooling all over myself. I kept feeling my head to make sure it was still there; it was so numb. Finally home and I can't stop the bleeding from the gaping hole in my upper jaw. I used up all the gauze they had given me and started on a roll of toilet paper. After an hour I finally got the bleeding reduced to an ooze instead of a spurt. Then wifey hit me in the face with a sledge hammer, knocking me to the floor. NO, wait, she's in the bedroom. OW! OW! OW! OW! Throbbing pain, building in intensity all over the left side of my face as the Novocaine wore off. God, I'm dying. My left leg is twitching involuntarily. I gulped down a painkiller. I should have taken one before, now I got to wait for it to work. 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes...........finally the pain is fading to tolerable levels. Whooooweeee. What a rush! "Hey, hon, come in here........and bring the hammer." 
