CLEANING BEFORE WIFEY ARRIVES

I'm almost done! It's taken me eight days but now the only thing left is to vacuum all the rugs and do some touch up before going to pick up wifey at the airport. I managed to do everything without seriously injuring myself. That should be worth something even if the house isn't hospital clean. Still, it is cleaner than it has been since my Dad passed away in 2003. My Mom wasn't able to move things or even reach up to get the dust and cobwebs above shoulder level. While she was in the hospital and nursing home the first time I had cleaned her bedroom from top to bottom, so I kind of knew what to expect in the rest of the house. Six years of it. The dust had evolved. It told me to go away but I wouldn't listen. Voices from the closets said: "Get out!". I ignored them.

Cleaning the blinds in the Florida room was a challenge. This tiny room has six windows. At first I tried paper towels and a spray cleaner. That didn't work too well. Then I tried a sponge. No good. I was about to say the hell with it. I decided to give it one more shot. I got some Mr Clean and a bucket and a cloth. Worked like a charm! The blinds are actually white, and all this time I thought they were cream colored. And because I used the Mr Clean that has Febreeze in it, the room actually smells good. Like a lilac garden. The blinds will do for now but they will have to be replaced. My retarded sister used to play with the cords and most of them won't open. The blinds throughout the house are in rough shape thanks to her. She used to go up and down on them with a knife like she was playing a vertical xylophone. Heh, think that's bad? You should see her old bedroom with all the stab marks in the walls.

Another adventure was cleaning the bird's cage. I have to do it with the bird still in there. I don't have any place to put her and if I just let her out then Miss April will have a free yellowbird lunch. Naturally she screams and squawks the whole time I am cleaning her cage. April sat and watched, hoping I would screw up and the bird would get loose. I start out by removing all her toys, ladders, water and food so I will be able to lift up the floor of the cage and clean it from inside. I would have to take the cage apart otherwise. Whistler (that's the bird) watches me, still screaming, from one of the upper perches. Then I felt something warm and wet on my arm. I said: "Oh, no, you didn't! I'm cleaning your cage so you will have a nice clean place to live and that's the thanks I get. Don't you know Thanksgiving is right around the corner?" April is ROFL. Once I get the floor clean, I pull out the tray underneath, dump it, clean it up, and replace the sandpaper. Then I just put everything back and vacuum up the feathers, birdseed and dried up bird poop; and I'm done.

I cleaned the shed. It basically hadn't been touched since my Dad passed away. I tried to clean it up while my Mom was alive but I gave up. We had serious differences of opinion about what was junk and what was not. It seems my Dad was as bad a packrat as my Mom.
Whenever he repaired something, like a faucet for instance, he would keep all the old parts. I had to go through everything, deciding what to keep and what to toss. When I was done, I had a trash can full of old hardware and parts that weighed about 300 pounds. I kept all the nuts, bolts, nails and screws and spent about seven hours sorting through them. When I was done, they were all in neat little piles on the dining room table but I didn't have any place to put them. Off to Walmart. I bought a big plastic thingie with little drawers. Worked great. Inside the shed there was this giant shelf. It took up half the shed. All the power tools and other stuff was just piled on this shelf. I took everything out, took down the shelf and hung everything on the walls. Now, I can actually walk all the way into the shed and lay my hands on whatever I need. Life is good.......and my hernia only hurts a little.

Another project was cleaning all the ceiling fans....six of them. They were caked in dust. The best thing I found for that is the nice smelling Clorox wipes. They cut right through the grease and dust. But I had to use a new one for each fan blade. While I was doing the fan in the master bedroom, I noticed that the light assembly was just hanging by the wires. Well, naturally I had to fix that. I knew from previous experience that it would be too hard to reattach it with all the lamp shades on it. Without someone to help you hold it up, it's just too heavy. So the plan was too remove the lamp shades, then take off the cap, and disconnect the wires. Then I could just take the shadeless assembly out to the shed and hopefully find the right size nut in the plastic thingie (remember the plastic thingie?). Well, it seems that some genius had lost some of the little screws that hold the lampshades on and had replaced them with the wrong size. I got two of the three shades off but I couldn't get all the screws out of the third one. It was stuck. So I got down to go get a pair of pliers. Crash! The lamp shade splattered all over the floor. The dog runs in to see what happened. I'm barefooted. I'm yelling at her to get out so she won't cut her feet. The bird is screaming. I managed to pick up the big pieces without getting cut and then vacuumed up the fragments. Now it's off to Walmart to buy a new lamp shade; hopefully just one if they have a match. Nope, had to buy three. Back home again. Sure enough, there is a matching nut in the plastic thingie and I'm in business. There are also the correct size screws for the lampshades, Allah be praised. I get everything reattached and try the switch. It worked. Nyahh nyahh nyahh nyahh nyahh!

I cleaned the bathroom. From top to bottom. I should disgust you with the details but I won't. Let's just say that I used plenty of disinfectant cleaner.