REVENGE

Revenge is sweet. But it is sweetest when you don't get caught. So it is wise to be careful when taking revenge. You just don't enjoy it as much when you are doing five to ten in the slammer. Never return to the scene of your revenge; it's a sure way to get caught. If you can see the results of your revenge as it happens.....great........but don't go back to the building you set on fire to see what's left of it. The place will be swarming with investigators. Not a good idea. Often you will not see the results of your revenge. Be content in using your imagination to picture the chaos you have created. Here are some ideas:

Take revenge against a supermarket:
Load up your shopping cart (use two if you can handle them). Go to the checkout. When the cashier has rung up almost all your stuff, tell her you need to grab a box of salt and will be right back. Go out the door, get in your car and leave. Do not return to the store for at least a year, and never, ever go to that cashier again.

Take revenge against an airline:
Sit in an aisle seat. As the stewardess comes by balancing 6 or 7 meal trays, casually stick out your foot. An alternative to this would be to wait until the stewardess is coming by with the drink cart and then stick out your foot. When she runs over it, scream in agony, fall on the floor, cry. Then sue the airline.

Take revenge against the kitchen where you work:
As you leave for the last time, turn up all the refrigerators and freezers by 20 degrees. If you turned them off completely, it would be obvious too soon. Merely turning the temperature up means it will not be detected until food starts to defrost and/or spoil. Temperature checks are supposed to be made periodically, but having worked in a kitchen, I know that these are usually just pencil whipped.

Take revenge against restaurants:
Go to a restaurant. Order your meal. Eat part of it. Have the waiter get the manager. Tell him it is the worst food you have ever tasted. Really create a scene. Refuse to pay for it and walk out. If you are still hungry, repeat at as many restaurants as necessary. Do not do this at any restaurant you enjoy because you probably won't be welcomed back.

Take revenge against a bank:
Take 20 or 30 deposit slips and write "This is a stickup. I have a gun. Give me the money." on the back of them. Replace them in the slot and leave. As the security cameras will no doubt have you on tape writing on deposit slips for a lengthy period, wear a disguise.

Take revenge against a Cadillac dealership:
Wear a suit. Take your wife with you. She should wear her nicest dress. Start to look at some of the cars on the lot. Within 2 minutes a salesman will come over. Pretend that you are undecided and let him show you every car, explaining every feature and option. After about two hours, tell him that you think you'd rather buy a Toyota and leave.