AND GOD CREATED WOMAN

"And God Created Woman". That was the title of a movie once. It starred Brigitte Bardot. She must be around 75 now. Anyways, I've often wondered about the circumstances that prompted God to give mankind this gift:

"God! Hey God! Where are you?"
"Over here, Gabriel. What's up?"
"What are you doing?"
"Practicing my chipping."
"Huh?"
"It's a game called golf. I'm going to give it to the world. It'll drive everyone crazy."
"There's only one man."
"There'll be more. How's Adam doing anyway?"
"Well, that's what I wanted to see you about. He's constantly complaining about loneliness."
"How's that? He lives in a garden full of animals."
"He says he's not getting enough sex."
"I told him he could do it with any female animal in the garden."
"Yes, but he says he can't compete with the males."
"Most of them are pretty well endowed, aren't they?"
"I was talking about how he can't run fast enough to catch the females."
"Oh. Well, I'll just slow them down a step or two."
"Actually, he wants a female of his own kind."
"Oh no! Not a chance. I've created this world....worked hard for six days and nights. I'm not going to ruin everything now."
"What did you do on the seventh day?"
"Rested. Yeah, right! I played golf, of course. Anyways, I'm not ready to ruin it. I carefully shaped and molded Adam out of a handful of clay, blew life into him, made him in my own image. Had to do it several times....kept coming out looking like Gumby. Now it sounds like Adam is getting just a little bit ungrateful, don'tcha think?"
"He says if he doesn't get a female companion he'll start on the plantlife."
"Well, we certainly can't have the world's first human doing a watermelon, can we?"
"No Lord, it ruins the taste."
"Oh, alright. Go get me one of his ribs."
"Sure! So I say: Hey Adam, God said I could rip a rib out of your chest. And then Adam says: Why don't you take a lung and a chunk of my liver and make a meal of it. You know Adam never liked me anyhow."
"Okay! Okay! So wait until he's asleep."
"I'll be back soon."
"I still can't believe this guy outfought Lucifer."
"I'm back, Here's the rib."
"Hmmmmmmmm. Let's see. A little curve here, a little curve there, breasts, nipples.....hmmm. let's see."
"Damn, you're good! Wait a minute. It looks like...like...one of those dolls...you know...that you have to inflate."
"Huh? Crap! You're right. Okay, go get me another rib."
"Oh goody! Otherwise poor Adam would have been lopsided. Be right back."
"A Mighty Fortress Is Our God.........ta dum dee dum dum dum dum dee dum.."
"I'm back!"
"I can see that. Was he still asleep?"
"Yeah, with a cantaloupe, watermelon and rutabaga."
"Oh no! We were too late."
"Well, the cantaloupe was smoking a cigarette.........."
"Ewwwwwwww!!"
"And smiling."
"Give me that rib! Hmmmmmmmm. Yeah. Okay. Presto! There!"
"It's gorgeous!"
"She's gorgeous! I'll call her "Bitch".
"No good. Call her woman."
"Okay, a woman named "Bitch".
No good, how about "Eve"?
"Eve? How'd you come up with that?"
"Adam and Bitch on a raft, All About Bitch, Christmas Bitch, New Year's Bitch......Just doesn't sound right, you know?"
"I see what you mean. Okay, take Eve down to Adam and see what he thinks of the woman I've created."
"Be right back."
"Hey Michael!"
"Yes, God?"
"How many archangels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"I'm back!"
"Well, what did he think?"
"He was ecstatic! He started mating with her immediately. He said it's the greatest thing you've ever done. Now he can have sex whenever he wants."
"Not necessarily."
"How so?"
"Because I've also created the headache."