THE SAGA CONTINUES

Well, the Special Prosecutor has finished his report and now it has been submitted to the Judiciary Committee:

"This hearing will come to order. Please, let me have order. Thank you. Very well, then. The purpose of this hearing is to review the report of the Special Prosectuor, Kenneth Starr, to determine if the President, William Jefferson Clinton, has committed any impeachable offenses and if we determine that he has........then to make recommendations to the rest of congress as to whether impeachment measures should be pursued."
"Hang the bastard!"
"Mrs. Clinton, please!! We can all sympathize with how you must feel......but I warn you that if there are any further outbursts, I will be forced to have you removed from this chamber."
"But, I'm the First Lady......"
"Well, nowadays, it seems you are the first lady only if you get up really, really early. yuk. yuk. Alright! Alright! Order! Order! Let me have order!"
"Mr. Chairman."
"The chair recognizes the honorable gentleman from Utah.....er....Colorado.......Idaho......No, no. Don't tell me. Oregon? New Jersey? Florida? Okay, I give up. Tell me."
"Mississippi, Mr. Chairman."
"Oh, yeah. Right. The chair recognizes the honorable gentleman from Missouri."
"Mississippi."
"Whatever."
"I would like to direct the committee's attention to page 283 of the report, about halfway down where Ms. Lewinsky is testifying about the President's penis. I quote: Yes, I'd recognize it anywhere. It was crooked and......."
"It's just a little bent!"
"Mr. President, you aren't supposed to be in here. Who let you in? Master-At-Arms, I told you to watch the door. Why'd you let the President in?"
"I didn't know it was him. He said he was Phil Hartman."
"Phil Hartman is dead."
"He is?"
"Yes, his wife shot him."
"Good for her!"
"Mrs. Clinton, please!"
"Hi honey. Uh, don't believe everything you read. Starr used to write for the Enquirer, you know."
"Don't honey me! You're going down, Bill....and I don't mean on Monica. And you want to know something else? I've been seeing Kenneth Starr behind your back. We've done it in every room in the White House....even the Oral, I mean Oval Office."
"Hope you remembered to turn off the security cameras first, my dear."
"Security cameras?"
"Okay, that's enough you two. Master-At-Arms, escort the President out of the chamber. Mrs. Clinton, sit down and behave or you, too, will be escorted out."
"You're dead meat, Bill!"
"Love you, too, honey!"
"Order! Order! Get the President out of here. Okay, then. Just exactly what does that testimony about the President's penis have to do with an impeachable offense?"
"Uh, well, nothing I guess. I just thought it was kind of interesting, you know, that the President's penis is crooked...."
"It sure is. It's not just a little bit bent! Ha! Damn thing bends almost ninety degrees. Hell, he can probably do it around corners."
"Master-At-Arms! Throw out Mrs. Clinton!"
"I don't care! I know everything that's in that report. Hell, I helped Kenny write it."
"Okay, I can see we need some ground rules here. We will only, I repeat, only concern ourselves with testimony that is relative to an impeachable offense."
"Getting a blowjob in the Oval Office is not an impeachable offense??!!"
"No, it isn't. I'm sure the founding fathers would have included it if it had occurred to them."
"Hey, I can just imagine Thomas Jefferson: Oh, and one more thing besides bribery, treason and abuse of power. I think we should also include getting blowjobs in the Oval Office."
"Yeah, and old Ben Franklin saying: What's a blowjob?"
".......Ha! Ha! And then Jefferson tries to describe it...."
"....Or maybe there was a demonstration. Where was Betsty Ross during all of this?"
"I always wondered what those mysterious stains were on our first flag."
"Enough!! Order! Order! This committee will come to order!"
"You know, they say Congress was always very, very happy to see Martha Washington......."
"Master-At-Arms, remove the gentleman from Montana!"
"Mississippi."
"Yeah, him, too."
"Mr. Chairman."
"The chair recognizes the honorable gentleman from....."
"New York."
"I knew that. New York. I hope your remarks will be more pertinent then the other ones."
"Yes, Mr. Chairman. I direct the committee's attention to page 287: Bill grabbed my ears and yanked my head back and forth. His back was arched against the front of his desk. I licked and sucked as......."
"Enough! Enough! Stop! That has nothing to do with an impeachable offense!"
"Well, I, uh, I'm sorry. It's one of the passages that my staff highlighted."
"Perhaps you should have been more specific with your instructions."
"Mr. Chairman."
"What!!?? I mean, the chair recognizes the honorable gentleman from Illinois."
"Can we look at the blue dress?"
"No!"
"Mr. Chairman."
"The chair recognizes.........ah, screw it! What do you want?"
"I just thought that the part where the President tells Ms. Lewinsky to lie under oath in the Paula Jones case and then promises to get her a good job back in the White House might be an impeachable offense under abuse of power......."
"Huh? Where did you see that?"
"What page is that on?"
"I didn't read that."
"Are you sure that's in there?"
"Mr Chairman, can't we get back to the good parts?"
"I give up!!"