We all know that the Titanic sank in April 1912. Many have puzzled over how this tragedy could have occurred. This should clear up the mystery.
"Is there anything else, Pete?"
"Yes, my lord. We have one item under the 'greater than Thee' category."
"Oh Christ!"
"Yes, father?"
"No, no son. It's just an expression."
"Oh."
"Alright, Pete. What is it? By the way, who's watching the gate?"
"I left Michael and Gabriel out there."
"Michael? Oh yeah, the one that looks like that Travolta fellow."
"Anyway, God, it seems there's this new ship that the mortals claim is unsinkable. One newspaper even printed that God himself couldn't sink the Titanic."
"Jesus Christ!"
"Yes, father?"
"Just another expression, son. (He must get that from his mother)."
"(Crap, he never summons me. In fact, since that thing with the cross, he's virtually ignored me. I think I'll give Lucifer a call..........)."
"Careful, son. You know I can see into your mind, too. Such a burden! I can never be surprised. Anyway, Pete, you were saying....?"
"Well, my lord, this blatant disdain for your almighty power can't go unpunished. I recommend drastic action!"
"What? I should sink it?"
"It's only gonna get worse. This new flight craze already has them writing stuff like 'soaring into the nether and touching the very face of God."
"Oh Jesus! Shhhhhh son. Don't say it. Haven't they ever heard that if I wanted them to fly I would have given them wings? Last week one of them just about run over poor old Clarence. He had to go change his robe."
"So, God, what are you going to do?"
"I guess I'll have to sink it. What's it doing?"
"Well, so far not much. Just sea trials and stuff. It's due for it's maiden voyage in April."
"Hmmm..........Not much time. I'll just take it out with a lightening bolt. Zappppp! Kapow!!!!!!!! End of story!"
"Nope, too suspicious. They'd know for sure it was you."
"Well, what's it's route?"
"North Atlantic."
"We got any big ice bergs out there?"
"Several."
"Good, have it hit an ice berg and sink. Anything else?"
"Well, there's more to it than that. A lot of people will die."
"Give them two hours before it sinks."
"There aren't enough life boats for everyone. Remember, they think this ship is unsinkable."
"Well surely they have life jackets, right?"
"They wouldn't survive fifteen minutes in the water. It's 10 below."
"Impossible, Pete. It would be ice."
"It's saltwater, sir."
"Oh yeah, I forgot. Okay, what kind of a death toll are we looking at here?"
"About 1500."
"Oh my God! (heh, heh. No answer.) Whew, they are going to be pissed at me. No. no. I'm God and I say nobody dies."
"We can't avoid it. It would be too suspicious if it sank without a huge loss of life."
"Okay, okay. But I don't want to have to face all those souls when they get here. Can't we warm up the water a bit?"
"Not enough time for that. And again it would look suspicious. A lot of them still blame you for that worldwide flood....you know.....the Noah plan."
"Yeah, they never did buy that 'sewers backing up' crap. But see, they were all sinners. I didn't have to face any of them. They just went straight to hell. Even the animals. Boy was Lucifer pissed off. Ha! Ha! He had no contingency plan for that many all at once. It took him months to set up housing."
"Look, God, can we get on with this?"
"Uh Uh Uh. Watch your tone, Pete, unless you'd prefer a warmer climate."
"Sorry. Okay, look. Here's a copy of the passenger list. You can decide which ones will die."
"Good idea. Let's see. Ooooh look! Millionaires! Gone, good-bye, outta here, seeya. Hmmmmmm. Okay. All fornicaters, all blasphemers. What else? Most of 2nd and 3rd class. Most of the men. Eeeny Meeny Miney Mo........You can live........You have to go. How are we doing?"
"Just about there. Oh look. The ship's designer will be on board."
"Add him to the list. That will be a nice touch. Irony and all that......yuk yuk! Gee, I feel like a....a.....a.....reverse Schindler."
"Okay that does it. 1511 people."
"Hmmmm, let's see your list. I see you have a lot of children here."
"Sinners, God. You think it's bad now? Wait till the 1990's."
"Hmmm. Oh great! This is working out better than I thought. Astor, Vanderbilt, Leonardo DiCapprio...."
"Our latest vision of the sinking shows the ship's orchestra playing 'Nearer My God To Thee' on the open deck."
"I hate that tune. Make sure they are on the list. You know, someday a movie will be made of this disaster and it will be the greatest box office success of all time."
"That's pretty morbid, God."
"Ah, go to hell."
**POOF**
"Oh crap! I didn't mean it. It was just an expression. Damn! Get him back! Someone get Lucifer on the horn. Tell him it was a mistake."
"Is there anything else, Pete?"
"Yes, my lord. We have one item under the 'greater than Thee' category."
"Oh Christ!"
"Yes, father?"
"No, no son. It's just an expression."
"Oh."
"Alright, Pete. What is it? By the way, who's watching the gate?"
"I left Michael and Gabriel out there."
"Michael? Oh yeah, the one that looks like that Travolta fellow."
"Anyway, God, it seems there's this new ship that the mortals claim is unsinkable. One newspaper even printed that God himself couldn't sink the Titanic."
"Jesus Christ!"
"Yes, father?"
"Just another expression, son. (He must get that from his mother)."
"(Crap, he never summons me. In fact, since that thing with the cross, he's virtually ignored me. I think I'll give Lucifer a call..........)."
"Careful, son. You know I can see into your mind, too. Such a burden! I can never be surprised. Anyway, Pete, you were saying....?"
"Well, my lord, this blatant disdain for your almighty power can't go unpunished. I recommend drastic action!"
"What? I should sink it?"
"It's only gonna get worse. This new flight craze already has them writing stuff like 'soaring into the nether and touching the very face of God."
"Oh Jesus! Shhhhhh son. Don't say it. Haven't they ever heard that if I wanted them to fly I would have given them wings? Last week one of them just about run over poor old Clarence. He had to go change his robe."
"So, God, what are you going to do?"
"I guess I'll have to sink it. What's it doing?"
"Well, so far not much. Just sea trials and stuff. It's due for it's maiden voyage in April."
"Hmmm..........Not much time. I'll just take it out with a lightening bolt. Zappppp! Kapow!!!!!!!! End of story!"
"Nope, too suspicious. They'd know for sure it was you."
"Well, what's it's route?"
"North Atlantic."
"We got any big ice bergs out there?"
"Several."
"Good, have it hit an ice berg and sink. Anything else?"
"Well, there's more to it than that. A lot of people will die."
"Give them two hours before it sinks."
"There aren't enough life boats for everyone. Remember, they think this ship is unsinkable."
"Well surely they have life jackets, right?"
"They wouldn't survive fifteen minutes in the water. It's 10 below."
"Impossible, Pete. It would be ice."
"It's saltwater, sir."
"Oh yeah, I forgot. Okay, what kind of a death toll are we looking at here?"
"About 1500."
"Oh my God! (heh, heh. No answer.) Whew, they are going to be pissed at me. No. no. I'm God and I say nobody dies."
"We can't avoid it. It would be too suspicious if it sank without a huge loss of life."
"Okay, okay. But I don't want to have to face all those souls when they get here. Can't we warm up the water a bit?"
"Not enough time for that. And again it would look suspicious. A lot of them still blame you for that worldwide flood....you know.....the Noah plan."
"Yeah, they never did buy that 'sewers backing up' crap. But see, they were all sinners. I didn't have to face any of them. They just went straight to hell. Even the animals. Boy was Lucifer pissed off. Ha! Ha! He had no contingency plan for that many all at once. It took him months to set up housing."
"Look, God, can we get on with this?"
"Uh Uh Uh. Watch your tone, Pete, unless you'd prefer a warmer climate."
"Sorry. Okay, look. Here's a copy of the passenger list. You can decide which ones will die."
"Good idea. Let's see. Ooooh look! Millionaires! Gone, good-bye, outta here, seeya. Hmmmmmm. Okay. All fornicaters, all blasphemers. What else? Most of 2nd and 3rd class. Most of the men. Eeeny Meeny Miney Mo........You can live........You have to go. How are we doing?"
"Just about there. Oh look. The ship's designer will be on board."
"Add him to the list. That will be a nice touch. Irony and all that......yuk yuk! Gee, I feel like a....a.....a.....reverse Schindler."
"Okay that does it. 1511 people."
"Hmmmm, let's see your list. I see you have a lot of children here."
"Sinners, God. You think it's bad now? Wait till the 1990's."
"Hmmm. Oh great! This is working out better than I thought. Astor, Vanderbilt, Leonardo DiCapprio...."
"Our latest vision of the sinking shows the ship's orchestra playing 'Nearer My God To Thee' on the open deck."
"I hate that tune. Make sure they are on the list. You know, someday a movie will be made of this disaster and it will be the greatest box office success of all time."
"That's pretty morbid, God."
"Ah, go to hell."
**POOF**
"Oh crap! I didn't mean it. It was just an expression. Damn! Get him back! Someone get Lucifer on the horn. Tell him it was a mistake."
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