Those of us that live in Florida get to watch the shuttle launches. Most spectacular are the night time launches. I don't get to see the actual blastoff but if I look to the Southeast I can see the night turned into day. After a few seconds the shuttle comes into view spewing flames. All the dogs in the neighborhood go nuts as the whole sky glows yellow. Standing in my backyard, I can watch the shuttle for several minutes as it arcs across the sky. At last the flames of the exhaust are no longer visible and it looks like a moving bright star. And the
n, it is gone. But it got me to thinking about STS-95. That's the shuttle mission that took Senator John Glenn back into space. There was a lot of discussion at the time because of his advanced age but thankfully all went well. Heh, but you know me. What if things hadn't gone as planned?
"5-4-3-2-1 Liftoff! We have the launch of STS-95, America's ninety-fifth shuttle mission carrying six astronaut heroes and an American legend. Goodspeed, John Glenn."
"You mean 'Godspeed'."
"No. I'd say he was making pretty good speed."
"This is launch control. How's it going, senator?"
"Launch control, I swallowed my damn dentures and I crapped myself. Project Mercury was nothing compared to the thrust this thing puts out. But anyways, Q-OK."
"That's A-OK, senator."
"Oh yeah. It's been a long time. I can't remember things so good anymore."
"How long have you had that problem?"
"What problem?"
"With your memory."
"And who are you anyways?"
"Launch control."
"Oh yeah, I remember. Hey, once we get into orbit I want to change. Where are the Depends?"
"Depends? Errr.....we'll get back to you on that. Hang on, senator, the shuttle commander is on my other earpiece. Huh? No, commander, it is not a valid reason to abort. Well, breathe through your oxygen masks and it won't be so bad. Don't exaggerate! The fumes are not peeling the paint off the control panels. He's going to change when you reach orbit if we can figure out where we stored the Depends. No, you won't all be dead by then!! Sheeesh! Talk at ya later. Okay, senator, I'm back. We'll let you know about the Depends."
"Will I be able to change?"
"Well that Depends! Ha ha! Yuk Yuk! (I couldn't resist)."
"Huh?"
"Senator, take a nap."
"Launch control this is Mission control."
"Go ahead, Houston."
"We are ready to assume control of the mission."
"Roger. You are go for control. Ah, one thing. It seems that the senator soiled himself so he needs to change, but we don't know where the Depends are."
"Ask the adult diaper control and distribution technician."
"Get me the Depends technician!"
"I am here, senor."
"Pablo?? I thought you were the technician that sweeps up the delta rocket debris."
"Si, but things are slow so now I take care of the diapers, too."
"Okay, okay. Where did you put the Depends?"
"Senor, they are right over there in the corner. Do you see the large cardboard boxes?"
"Houston we have a problem!"
'We heard. We'll get right on it. We have the con."
"Roger, launch control signing off."
"Okay, guys. Here's the deal. We have to make two dozen adult diapers using only material that they have on board the shuttle. Get on it. And gentlemen, failure is not an option (Ed Harris gave us some great lines)."
"Houston we have a problem!"
"Tom, is that you?"
"No, this is John Glenn. Who are you?"
"Ed Harris. You sounded just like Hanks. Gotta go."
"Huh? Houston we have a problem!"
"Go, shuttle."
"Who's this?"
"Scott Carpenter."
"Scott. This is John Glenn. How are you doing? How are the wife and kids? I'm going to run for president after this."
"Senator, you said you had a problem."
"Noooooooo.......I don't think so. G-OK you know."
"That's A-OK. Houston out."
"Houston we have a problem!"
"Go, shuttle."
"There's a red light flashing!"
"Which one?"
"I don't know."
"Look at the console!"
"Oh yeah, there it is. Pretty color."
"Which one is it?"
"I can't remember."
"Look at the label!"
"It's peeled off. All the labels are crinkling up and peeling off. I can't tell what anything is."
"Try to remember what that light is for!"
"I think it means danger."
"No screaming eagle poop, senator! We know that! Which one is blinking?"
"I'm not going to talk to you, young man, if you use that tone of voice."
"Sorry. Look, senator.......John. Do you remember which section of the console it's on?"
"I think it's the fuel section."
"Good, now we're getting somewhere!"
"The other astronauts are yelling at me!"
"What are they yelling?"
"I can't understand them. They're all still wearing their oxygen masks. Something about pushing a button."
"What button?"
"I can't understand them!"
"Think, senator! What warning light is this?"
"I....I.....I got it! Fuel valve open."
"Push the yellow button! Push the yellow button!"
"Stop it! Now you're yelling at me, too. I'm so confused! Where's the yellow button?"
"Push the yellow button, John, NOW!!!!!"
"Yellow button??"
"Shuttle this is Houston."
"Shuttle this is Houston."
"Shuttle....comm check."
"Shuttle......Houston. How do you read?"
"Any luck?"
"Nope, haven't heard a thing for twenty minutes."
"IN THE DAYS FOLLOWING THE TERRIBLE SHUTTLE TRAGEDY, NASA HAS STUCK TO IT'S GUNS THAT THE EXPLOSION WAS DUE TO MECHANICAL FAILURE ALONE.
IGNORING ACCUSATIONS OF A COVERUP, THEY CONTINUE TO INSIST THAT THIS DISASTER WAS IN NO WAY THE RESULT OF ANY ACTION OR INACTION ON THE PART OF THE ASTRONAUTS NOR DID THE ADVANCED AGE OF JOHN GLENN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT, DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY. NASA WILL CONTINUE TO RECRUIT SENIOR CITIZENS FOR THE SPACE PROGRAM AS THEY HAVE DEMONSTRATED THAT THEY HAVE THE 'RIGHT STUFF'.
THIS IS TED KOPPELL REPORTING FROM WASHINGTON."
n, it is gone. But it got me to thinking about STS-95. That's the shuttle mission that took Senator John Glenn back into space. There was a lot of discussion at the time because of his advanced age but thankfully all went well. Heh, but you know me. What if things hadn't gone as planned?"5-4-3-2-1 Liftoff! We have the launch of STS-95, America's ninety-fifth shuttle mission carrying six astronaut heroes and an American legend. Goodspeed, John Glenn."
"You mean 'Godspeed'."
"No. I'd say he was making pretty good speed."
"This is launch control. How's it going, senator?"
"Launch control, I swallowed my damn dentures and I crapped myself. Project Mercury was nothing compared to the thrust this thing puts out. But anyways, Q-OK."
"That's A-OK, senator."
"Oh yeah. It's been a long time. I can't remember things so good anymore."
"How long have you had that problem?"
"What problem?"
"With your memory."
"And who are you anyways?"
"Launch control."
"Oh yeah, I remember. Hey, once we get into orbit I want to change. Where are the Depends?"
"Depends? Errr.....we'll get back to you on that. Hang on, senator, the shuttle commander is on my other earpiece. Huh? No, commander, it is not a valid reason to abort. Well, breathe through your oxygen masks and it won't be so bad. Don't exaggerate! The fumes are not peeling the paint off the control panels. He's going to change when you reach orbit if we can figure out where we stored the Depends. No, you won't all be dead by then!! Sheeesh! Talk at ya later. Okay, senator, I'm back. We'll let you know about the Depends."
"Will I be able to change?"
"Well that Depends! Ha ha! Yuk Yuk! (I couldn't resist)."
"Huh?"
"Senator, take a nap."
"Launch control this is Mission control."
"Go ahead, Houston."
"We are ready to assume control of the mission."
"Roger. You are go for control. Ah, one thing. It seems that the senator soiled himself so he needs to change, but we don't know where the Depends are."
"Ask the adult diaper control and distribution technician."
"Get me the Depends technician!"
"I am here, senor."
"Pablo?? I thought you were the technician that sweeps up the delta rocket debris."
"Si, but things are slow so now I take care of the diapers, too."
"Okay, okay. Where did you put the Depends?"
"Senor, they are right over there in the corner. Do you see the large cardboard boxes?"
"Houston we have a problem!"
'We heard. We'll get right on it. We have the con."
"Roger, launch control signing off."
"Okay, guys. Here's the deal. We have to make two dozen adult diapers using only material that they have on board the shuttle. Get on it. And gentlemen, failure is not an option (Ed Harris gave us some great lines)."
"Houston we have a problem!"
"Tom, is that you?"
"No, this is John Glenn. Who are you?"
"Ed Harris. You sounded just like Hanks. Gotta go."
"Huh? Houston we have a problem!"
"Go, shuttle."
"Who's this?"
"Scott Carpenter."
"Scott. This is John Glenn. How are you doing? How are the wife and kids? I'm going to run for president after this."
"Senator, you said you had a problem."
"Noooooooo.......I don't think so. G-OK you know."
"That's A-OK. Houston out."
"Houston we have a problem!"
"Go, shuttle."
"There's a red light flashing!"
"Which one?"
"I don't know."
"Look at the console!"
"Oh yeah, there it is. Pretty color."
"Which one is it?"
"I can't remember."
"Look at the label!"
"It's peeled off. All the labels are crinkling up and peeling off. I can't tell what anything is."
"Try to remember what that light is for!"
"I think it means danger."
"No screaming eagle poop, senator! We know that! Which one is blinking?"
"I'm not going to talk to you, young man, if you use that tone of voice."
"Sorry. Look, senator.......John. Do you remember which section of the console it's on?"
"I think it's the fuel section."
"Good, now we're getting somewhere!"
"The other astronauts are yelling at me!"
"What are they yelling?"
"I can't understand them. They're all still wearing their oxygen masks. Something about pushing a button."
"What button?"
"I can't understand them!"
"Think, senator! What warning light is this?"
"I....I.....I got it! Fuel valve open."
"Push the yellow button! Push the yellow button!"
"Stop it! Now you're yelling at me, too. I'm so confused! Where's the yellow button?"
"Push the yellow button, John, NOW!!!!!"
"Yellow button??"
"Shuttle this is Houston."
"Shuttle this is Houston."
"Shuttle....comm check."
"Shuttle......Houston. How do you read?"
"Any luck?"
"Nope, haven't heard a thing for twenty minutes."
"IN THE DAYS FOLLOWING THE TERRIBLE SHUTTLE TRAGEDY, NASA HAS STUCK TO IT'S GUNS THAT THE EXPLOSION WAS DUE TO MECHANICAL FAILURE ALONE.
IGNORING ACCUSATIONS OF A COVERUP, THEY CONTINUE TO INSIST THAT THIS DISASTER WAS IN NO WAY THE RESULT OF ANY ACTION OR INACTION ON THE PART OF THE ASTRONAUTS NOR DID THE ADVANCED AGE OF JOHN GLENN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT, DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY. NASA WILL CONTINUE TO RECRUIT SENIOR CITIZENS FOR THE SPACE PROGRAM AS THEY HAVE DEMONSTRATED THAT THEY HAVE THE 'RIGHT STUFF'.
THIS IS TED KOPPELL REPORTING FROM WASHINGTON."
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